Suzanne Allain is a novelist and screenwriter. She is currently at work on a children’s picture book that will be released in Fall 2014.
Frequently Asked Questions (in Suzanne’s head)
What can I expect if I read a Suzanne Allain novel?
Giggles and snickerings and fuzzy feelings. Those who are expecting a bodice-ripper or even depth or angst will be disappointed. Angsty I am not. Too much emotion embarrasses me and causes me to want to crack a joke.
Why is your newest book titled THE CELEBRATED PEDESTRIAN? Isn’t a pedestrian just a person who gets in the way when people are trying to drive?
Two hundred years ago, before the invention of Netflix and parking lots, people walked a lot. And some were very good at it, even becoming famous for their pedestrian talent. The title of this book is inspired by one such person, but was also chosen because I thought it sounded slightly ridiculous and makes me smile.
I need a freelance writer to send to Europe for a travel-writing assignment. Are you available?
Yes, and I’ll even bring my husband, who is a professional photographer. Really, it would be foolish to hire a different writer who’s not married to a photographer.
Are you the same Suzanne Allain who wrote an award winning screenplay?
Yes, though the award for being a semi-finalist for five straight months in Amazon Studios 2011 screenplay contest was a t-shirt and a broken heart.
You used to have a top ten list on your home page that was better than this stupid FAQ. Where is that?
It’s a little dated (all the jokes are circa 2009), but here it is:
Top 10 Reasons You Should Purchase My Book, MR. MALCOLM’S LIST
10. There aren’t enough Jane Austen imitators out there already.
9. You got a Kindle for Christmas.
8. You like the cover.
7. It’s not part of the Twilight saga.
6. You refuse to give any more money to the major publishing houses so they can give huge advances to fake memoirists/liars.
5. All the proceeds go to the author.
4. You really want to know the proper way to address the younger son of an Earl.
3. It’s not on Oprah’s Book Club list.
2. You’re a romantic, but you’d prefer not to read about laving tongues and glistening orbs.
And the number one reason you should purchase MR. MALCOLM’S LIST:
1. It’s guaranteed to make you laugh out loud or your money back. *
* Must have documented proof for refund.